A trauma-informed and queer-affirmative therapist, Aanya Wadhwani has taken on many roles in her life. In the past few years, her curiosity has made her explore the roles of a Teacher, a Strategy and Operations associate, and a Teaching Assistant. Parent to two lovely cats, Aanya likes to be diverse and constantly upgrade her knowledge. She is based in Delhi and has completed her Masters in Applied Psychology from the Tata Institute of Social Sciences (TISS). Aanya is a certified Couple and Family Therapist from TISS. Apart from her private practice, she is also part of the Review Board at MyndStories.

Aanya’s approach to therapy is simple. She believes that every one of us has a Self, a compassionate and warm leader, and her job is to strengthen the Self and let it do what it’s best at – taking care of ourselves! She also uses trauma-informed language in her sessions. MyndStories talked to Aanya about the different facets of trauma, her approach to therapy, and the different techniques used to heal trauma.

Let’s start with a simple question. How would you explain trauma? 

Trauma is a vast term, and it’s difficult to explain it in a single line because of people’s different experiences. However, in simple terms, we can define it as when the existing coping skills of a person are exceeded by the circumstances they face. Trauma is not something that happens outside; it’s what happens inside the person. There’s no one way to experience it.  

You can find more about trauma and its manifestations in our body in an insightful interview with Dr. Shyam Ravindran here:

While awareness has increased about trauma and mental health, people have started using the word trauma casually. Your thoughts?

If you want to determine if the event is traumatic or simply unpleasant, you can do it by evaluating the reaction of your body and nervous system after the event. So if your body goes into a state of dysregulation after an event, it is a traumatic one. When you are dysregulated, you are not calm and cannot manage your emotions well.

You might feel angry, irritated, or just numb. Trauma memories are also manifested in symptoms. They are not always about what has happened. They are about not being able to stop thinking about that event or believing that you are still there. So if your body keeps returning to that event, that is trauma.

As a non-mental health professional, what do you think is the appropriate response to someone who reveals their trauma to you? 

If someone reveals their trauma to you, be compassionate. Sharing trauma is not easy, and most of the time, people with trauma don’t believe in themselves. So if someone else believes them, it’s a huge thing. You can also thank them for sharing. Ask them how you can be present for them. Maintain eye contact and let them know you’re listening. Help them regulate by saying things like “I’m here” or “right now, you are safe.” Suggest therapy but also be okay if they do not want to go. Because choice is something they never got. So give them that space to make their choice. 

What you should never do is compare their experience with someone else. Don’t say, “Some people have it worse.” That invalidates them and their experience. Don’t ask them to calm down or not think about it or to focus on the joys of life. Because if they could, they would have already done it. A person with trauma is often still stuck in that traumatic event. 

There are no easy ways of recovering from trauma, of course. But how can a person begin the process of healing from trauma? 

What I have found most helpful is mindfulness. Mindfulness in terms of being aware without putting any labels. For example, you get a thought, and instead of placing the label of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ on the thought, just be aware that there is a thought and that it’s just a thought.

I also recommend breathing and grounding. There are many different breathing techniques you can do. Grounding is anchoring yourselves to the present. You can do this by feeling things around you or noticing their color and texture, and listening to what is happening around you. The crucial thing to remember is that healing lies not in the big moments; it lies in every small moment when there is dysregulation, and you can regulate yourself.

What made you lean toward becoming a trauma-informed therapist?

My personal life experiences influenced my choice. I have gone through several traumatic events, and I was lucky to find a fantastic trauma-focused therapist early on.

So that helped me and made me see the potential of this therapy. I’m, of course, also very interested in the field—most of the things I know I learned by myself, from books and podcasts. 

The focus in the past has mostly been on trauma with a big T, but we now know that it is not the only kind of trauma. There is trauma with a small t. How do these two differ? 

Big T traumas have been much talked about in the last century. An example is the trauma caused by wars. Many people experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) because of war.

Small t traumas can be anything. What makes them prevalent is that most of us do not understand that it is trauma. Even when almost every person in their life has at some point gone through it. And we do need therapy to heal from this type of trauma. I don’t endorse the word ‘small’ trauma because when it repeatedly happens over the years, it can cause more damage than big trauma. 

PTSD has been there for a while. But the term C-PTSD is now being talked about as well. What is complex PTSD? Specifically, does one have to be diagnosed with trauma (via the DSM classification) to receive trauma-focused therapy?

In recent years, the terminology has changed. Even in PTSD, some literature has started using primary instead of post. They also talk about secondary trauma, which is experiencing trauma because of hearing about someone else’s experience. When we talk about C-PTSD, it is when a person experiences repeated trauma. PTSD generally is about a single traumatic event that has happened. Wars, for example, you can place a duration on it. But it is hard to put a time stamp on C-PTSD. 

You do not have to be diagnosed with PTSD or C-PTSD to receive trauma-focused therapy. The diagnosis doesn’t define the person because that’s a very biomedical approach. I don’t have to diagnose anyone to help them. I just have to listen to them and be there for them. 

Let’s talk about your approach to helping people who have gone through trauma. What techniques and approaches do you use?

I use IFS (Internal Family Systems), the Theory of Structural Dissociation, and a Client-centered approach. Sometimes, I also use Somatic Therapy. Let’s understand it with a prototype session. So generally, in my sessions, I tend to ask many curious questions and use invitational language. My therapy approach includes the concept of ‘parts.’

All of us have parts. Some of us have more parts than others, but it doesn’t mean more parts are equal to more trauma. And in the center of all the parts is the Self, a compassionate leader. So my work is to help clients find that Self because that’s where the dysregulation is. I also tend to give homework depending on the client. I might ask them to let the session settle in, or I can also ask them to notice their feelings and name them, among a myriad of other interventions I can bring for them.

So you primarily use IFS to treat your clients. Can you explain what exactly IFS is and how it works?

Internal Family Systems says that everyone has parts and a system. There are three types of parts; exiles, firefighters, and managers. An exile is a part that holds the most painful memories. Because they have so much pain, they’re exiled, and the system is safe as long as they’re not remembered. On the other hand, firefighters and managers are protectors. Managers make sure that the individual functions and acts normally. However, sometimes, when exiles come to the surface, your system goes into a state of red alert. That’s when the firefighters step in. Their sole aim is to mitigate the danger, and so, they push exiles away. 

Apart from these parts, there’s a Self. Self is that compassionate, calm, curious, and confident leader who can be in the center of everything without getting overwhelmed. It is the same age as the client, but the parts can be of different ages or gender. The Self can help the parts regulate.

So my job as an IFS therapist is to help clients identify the Self. 

Much of this approach depends on the client’s imagination. Some clients can imagine, but some need something tangible. It’s a very creative approach, giving the client the chance to define their internal family. The idea is to create a trusting and compassionate relationship between the Self and each part. 

How do you determine which approach is the best for the client?

To determine the best approach for a client, I consider a couple of things.

One thing is checking the client’s emotional state. Are they in a state of hyperarousal, which means they are very anxious or restless? Or are they in a state of numbness? Then I would also see if they are too much inside their experience or entirely outside of it? Do they need to be brought back to themselves, or do they need to be more distant from themselves? The approach is not linear. It’s very spontaneous. So we adapt according to the client.

How can therapy help on the healing journey?

I believe that therapy is integral because therapists know how to hold the space and exactly how to help you. Even if we leave all of that, the client can learn in therapy without having to worry that they have to be there for the other person.

Therapy is that one space where they don’t have to be worried about being there for the other person. They have the utmost attention, and you do not get that in other relationships. This is what makes a relationship with a therapist so unique!