Have you ever felt like you’re sailing the relationship boat alone, even though your partner is right beside you? Or maybe you catch yourself longing for the freedom of being single, despite still being committed?

These are few of the telltale signs of quiet quitting in relationships. Many of us find ourselves quietly quitting relationships—staying in them without fully engaging or investing.

While “quiet quitting” originally gained traction in the workplace, it also applies to romantic relationships, where partners emotionally withdraw but don’t leave. To better understand why this happens, we spoke to psychologist Aditi Bajpai, founder of 3 AM Couch. 

In this article, we explore how to recognize some of the signs of quiet quitting and the possible steps you can take to address it, based on Aditi’s insights.

What is quiet quitting in relationships?

Quiet quitting in relationships involves staying in the relationship while emotionally and mentally withdrawing. Quiet quitters may stay for convenience or out of fear, but emotionally, they’re no longer invested in the relationship. According to an article in Psychology Today, quiet quitters may fantasize about being single again, though they make no effort to leave the relationship.

Quiet quitting doesn’t always mean the relationship is doomed, but it indicates that it’s not a priority for one or both partners. This disengagement can lead to emotional and physical distance and a lack of communication. It leads to coexisting without connection.

Why does quiet quitting happen?

Quiet quitting in relationships can stem from unmet emotional needs, unresolved conflicts, or psychological concerns like anxiety or fear. Emotional burnout often occurs when one partner feels they are doing all the emotional heavy lifting without reciprocity or they are expected to fulfill burdening and unexpected demands. When conflicts go unresolved, partners might suppress their feelings rather than confront difficult conversations. This can lead to emotional disengagement, where one avoids conflicts to prevent further hurt but ends up disconnecting entirely.

Psychological factors such as trauma or fear of hurting the other partner also contribute to this emotional withdrawal. Sophie Mort, a clinical psychologist, in an article with Business Insider India, notes that quiet quitting may be an attempt to avoid confrontation, but this can lead to long-term regret as unresolved feelings remain unaddressed.

Another major factor is the lack of communication. When couples avoid discussing difficult topics, emotional distance grows. Responsibilities, emotional needs, and interests evolve over time, and failing to address these changes can result in one or both partners quietly withdrawing from the relationship.

What are the signs of quiet quitting?

Recognizing quiet quitting in a relationship is crucial to addressing the issue before it leads to a full emotional or physical breakup. Some common signs include:

• Drop in meaningful conversations: Partners no longer engage in deep discussions about their feelings, future, or important issues.
• Avoiding difficult conversations: Both partners steer clear of discussing conflicts or important decisions.
• Avoiding future planning: One or both partners show reluctance to talk about shared future goals or plans.
• Lack of physical affection: There is a noticeable drop in affectionate touch or intimacy.
• Emotional detachment: Partners mentally check out, daydream, or avoid connecting emotionally even when they are physically together .
• Operating in autopilot mode: The relationship continues with little effort to nurture it, and both partners are simply coexisting.

In essence, quiet quitting can make you feel like you’re living with a roommate rather than a romantic partner.

Why not just quit?

If a relationship has reached this point, why not just break up? According to an article from Psychology Today, many quiet quitters stay because of commitment constraints, such as shared finances, children, or fear of loneliness . They may want to leave but feel that the costs of breaking up—emotionally or practically—are too high. Quiet quitting might also be a way to test the waters of an emotional exit, where the partner emotionally disengages before deciding to leave for good.

Another reason for staying is the hope that the relationship can be revived. Disengaging emotionally may not mean the relationship is over, but it signals that the relationship has stopped being the central priority.

How to address quiet quitting

If you feel you or your partner have resorted to quiet quitting, act before the relationship breaks down entirely. Here are some steps to address the issue:

• Open communication: Start with honest conversations. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming your partner. For instance, instead of saying, “You never listen to me”, say, “I feel unheard when we don’t discuss things.”

• Engage in meaningful conversations: Take time to have deep, meaningful conversations once again. Ask about your partner’s day, their interests, and how they’ve grown. Reconnect emotionally and intellectually by showing genuine curiosity about each other.

• Rekindle the spark: Remember what brought you together in the first place. Try to recreate those moments or activities that made your relationship special. Doing things together, like planning date nights or taking trips, can reignite the connection.

• Set boundaries: Respect each other’s individuality and need for personal space. Setting boundaries allows both partners to feel comfortable and ensures that neither feels overwhelmed by the relationship.

• Seek professional help: If communication and efforts to reconnect don’t seem to work, consider couples therapy. A professional can help identify underlying issues and offer strategies to rebuild your relationship.

• Embrace change: People grow and change over time, and so do relationships. It’s important to check in regularly with your partner to understand how they’ve changed and adapt to those changes. Be willing to grow together rather than apart.

Quiet quitting in relationships is often a sign that something deeper is at play. By recognizing the signs early and taking steps to reconnect, couples can avoid complete emotional disengagement.

Open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to address issues head-on are crucial for rebuilding and maintaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Relationships, like all things, require effort and care. When you notice your partner or yourself quietly stepping back, it’s an opportunity to reflect and address the concerns early on, seeking professional help if necessary.