I used to think therapists were magicians. 

Instead of one show, you go for a few sessions. And instead of a coin, they make your pain vanish. Then you live happily ever after because, unlike real magicians who will make the coin reappear, therapists won’t return that pain, right?

That’s where I went wrong. They don’t return the pain. They never took it away from you in the first place. Therapists stand next to you with a toolkit in their hand whenever you’re ready for tricks that are all yours to learn, try, and excel at. 

The problem is, nobody tells you this. Like many other important lessons that are never taught, information about therapy is half-baked. There could be 10 posts on your feed screaming in favor of therapy, selling therapy like a magic pill. But hardly any of them even whisper that you must make the pill yourself. And that it takes a lot of time and effort to make one. 

So what does therapy offer?

The first misconception that needs to be long gone is your therapist is your friend. Your therapist is your therapist. People often equate therapy sessions with venting. They expect to walk in, speak out, and feel better immediately. Therapists hear you out and hold space for vulnerabilities. 

True.

But therapy is so much more than talking to a non-judgmental person. It’s a reflective space where you line up all your feelings and have someone to help you look at them objectively.

The discussions give birth to new perspectives. And naturally, to make space for new, you need to let go of the old. So your thoughts might be challenged and flaws confronted. Some sessions are heavy, packed with all the layers we come with. That’s why I feel therapy sessions are timed. One can take in only so much insight, learnings, or tears in an hour.

Sounds like a lot, right? Maybe because it is. Nothing has to change overnight, and it won’t. We have a lot of thoughts, but we aren’t used to pausing, acknowledging, and understanding them. So use the reflective space and time that therapy offers you. After all, you’re dealing with beliefs and thoughts piled up for years. 

It also takes time to find the right therapist. It’s daunting to repeat your stories to multiple therapists until you find the right one. Someone whose thoughts and values match yours. Someone who doesn’t make a conclusion about you on day one (yes, sadly, those people exist). If the search gets overwhelming, take a break. But I urge you to resume one day. It’s one of those journeys which is truly rewarding. 

Why do people make an effort to seek therapy?

There’s a reason why people go for therapy, even though the process is not pretty as it seems. That’s because nothing is hidden. You discover the hidden parts of you, even the ones you aren’t comfortable with. The ones that are tucked under in deep layers masked with your defense mechanisms. You eventually meet the real you, the one you’re truly meant to be. It’s an emotional mentorship tool designed to make you grow. And when has growth ever not been messy? 

That’s why I think those who go for therapy are not the weak ones. They are the strongest people I know. It requires courage to fight your flaws. It requires guts to revisit your scars. It requires willpower to let go of familiarity and work on yourselves. It takes effort to make space for everything life offers, especially when it hasn’t given you many reasons to trust that.

Words from those who have been there, done that

To write this, I spoke to people who have been to therapy. And I would like to end this piece with some of their words. These words will hopefully prepare you for the meaningful journey that therapy is.

• “Therapy does not work in silos. You need to make it a part of your routine, a routine filled with a healthy diet, sunlight exposure, physical movement, and outdoor activities.”

• “Therapy won’t give you answers. It will help you find them.”

• “Letting your therapist know what you want to work on keeps mismatched expectations at bay.”

• “Therapy is not a Q&A session. Be prepared for a whole lot of exercises. They’re worth doing!”

• “I thought the therapist would spend years with me. But she equipped me with skills I needed to deal with whatever I was facing.”

• “I thought I’ll be cured. Later realized, I could only manage it.”

• “It’s good to talk to someone outside my family. It’s an outlet for my selfish thoughts too.”

• “Sadly, not every therapist will give you dedicated attention. If you feel hurried during the session, then the therapist is not right for you.”

• “You may have to delve into deeper stuff to eventually lighten the load.”

• “You really don’t know yourself. Don’t give up on the process.”

It’s time to make your own magic pill. Be your own hero!

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are the author’s own. They do not necessarily reflect the views of MyndStories and should not be considered medical advice.