My life experiences have impacted me in myriad different ways. Some have been positive influences, some negative, and some have had no impact, as I have just flowed through them like a river. Sometimes I wish I would have just flowed through every life experience without letting it impact me. But that’s not possible, is it?

After a discussion with my therapist, I realized that we human beings tend to find meaning in every experience. And through this meaning-making process, we construct narratives – happy, sad, exciting, dark, and many more.

Sometimes, we take responsibility for the events in these experiences, which may be burnt in our memory forever. And here, we internalize the events in our lives and let them impact our present and future.

To help you understand this, I will narrate a story.

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Childhood experiences that shape adult experiences

When I was five years old, I had a dog, Snoopy. The dog and I were best friends. A few months later, after I fell sick, I could not find Snoopy anymore. My mother told me Snoopy had to go to its mother, and I was soothed. But a few years later, my parents told me they had to give Snoopy away because my doctor said so. I was heartbroken. Did this experience stamp a print on me? Maybe yes, or maybe not? But, I have often wondered about it.

Another incident of my life that I significantly remember is my favorite cousin telling me that he would not share secrets with me anymore because I tend to share them with my mother and aunt. This impacted me as well. Though he did not mean it seriously, I took it to heart and would always think about it. So whenever he would not talk to me, I would wonder – ‘is it because of what I did that day?’

And during pre-school, some of my friends would bully me during lunch. I was led to believe that people should do something for them. So, since I wanted to be included with friends, I became a person-pleaser. Even in college, I thought I had to help my friends.

Self-learned techniques to deal with emotions

But being a people pleaser was tiresome, and I would retreat into the cocoon of my books and diary. I started to not hang out with friends much after school and college and would focus only on my studies. Studying became a coping skill to not mingle with others.

And I used to think that I was unwanted, and these feelings intensified during my post-graduation, after my cousin’s death, leading to anxiety, depression, and psychosis.

Unlearning and the need for therapy

Picking the pieces of my life after a psychiatric evaluation, I learned to unlearn my thought process and behavior patterns. From accepting that everything that happens in life is not my fault to learning not to grow over-dependent on people who care, I started understanding myself better. 

Therapy helped and still helps me identify that I am not responsible for other people’s emotions.

Learning to express myself

‘Learn to express yourself’ is a motto that I now firmly believe in. And through my podcasts and poems, I want to convey to people to build an inner circle of significant people in their life so that they can express their thoughts and emotions with them and not keep everything within. 

But, of course, understanding others’ boundaries is another valuable lesson I learned. Because relationships can be nurtured and developed with healthy and dynamic boundaries between people.

And, though life leaves its stamp prints on each of us, ‘Let your past not shadow your present or stunt your future.’