Discussions about new-parent mental health have focused primarily on mothers. While maternal mental well-being is crucial, it’s equally important to acknowledge the struggles fathers face.

The persistent ring of the 2 am alarm annoys you out of your sleep. It is your turn to check on the baby. You fumble for your phone to switch it off, careful not to wake your wife. You drag yourself out of bed, groggily mix the formula, and pick up the baby. He is fussy, as usual. All you want right now is for him to quieten down and fall off to sleep so you can crawl back to bed.

It was a long day at work today, and tomorrow is that big presentation. You have to reach the office early. You long to take a few days off as a new father, but you know you will be laughed at if you suggest it.

It has been tough ever since the baby arrived.

This wasn’t what you expected when you were expecting.

Since you learned you would be a father, you couldn’t wait for the baby to arrive. Those nine months were full of anticipation. Your home would soon be filled with giggles and gurgles. But alas, ever since he came, you have been feeling no joy.

You smile and laugh with your family and cuddle your baby. You proudly accept congratulations from the steady stream of guests who drop in to see him. But the joy does not reach your eyes. It hasn’t, for some days now.

What can explain this lingering darkness that is smothering you? You love your baby, and you will do anything for him. But, this feeling of overwhelm persists. Is it because the baby has turned your life upside down? Is it the sleepless nights? Is it his constant crying?

Baby blues can hit both parents

Did you know men, too, can suffer from postpartum depression (PPD)?

You may have heard of the dark feelings that new mothers go through. The doctor had warned you to look out for signs in your wife but never mentioned that it could happen to you, too.

And it is not uncommon either. Up to 25% of new fathers experience the same. Unfortunately, it is not given the importance it should.

Let’s see what PPD is and how to tackle it.

Understanding PPD

PPD is characterized by persistent sadness, worthlessness, and loss of interest in activities. There may be difficulty in concentrating and changes in sleep or appetite. Some new parents may feel like harming themselves or the baby. Some have an escapist attitude, seeking solace in working long hours and staying away from home. These feelings can hinder their ability to care for themselves and their baby.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, but are you feeling any of these symptoms? Trust your instincts; you know yourself best. If something is not quite right, don’t brush it off. Recognize that this is not normal if it stretches beyond 2-3 weeks.

So, what can set off PPD?

Causes of PPD in men

Becoming a father is a life-altering experience that can bring immense joy. At the same time, the many accompanying challenges can trigger depression.

When a new baby enters a household, the entire family experiences an upheaval in their routine, relationships, and finances. The sheer responsibility and adjustments required in parenting can leave many feeling overwhelmed.

The baby quickly becomes the center of the universe. The focus shifts almost entirely to his and the new mother’s well-being. There may be a few changes the father experiences that are not obvious to others. This can cause him to slip through the cracks.

• While his wife is engrossed in tending to the baby’s every need, he can start to feel left out. Suddenly, the deep connection he once had with his wife weakens as her attention is elsewhere. He may struggle to bond with this little being who has rocked their world. This sense of disconnect can be disorienting and isolating.
• Men can experience hormonal imbalances, too, during their wives’ pregnancy and later. Testosterone levels can drop, leading to mood swings and emotional turmoil. 
• If the wife is grappling with post partum depression herself, the emotional strain can spill over, raising the risk for the father as well.
• The continuous sleep deprivation caused by a newborn’s unpredictable sleep patterns can worsen emotional distress. If the baby is colicky, the constant crying can be incredibly stressful and emotionally draining.
• Those with a personal or family history of mental illness are more susceptible to postpartum depression.
• Most importantly, the expenses that come with a new baby can be a source of anxiety and stress. No amount of planning can prepare one for the ever-increasing or unforeseen needs. This only adds to the challenges faced by new dads.

Should you then put up a brave “men-don’t-cry” face and hope your problems go away?

Don’t sweep it under the cradle, seek help

Sadly, men are expected to be strong and resilient always. They are not supposed to feel low and must be the “rock” supporting the family. Rarely is their mental well-being considered important in a new-baby scenario.

Don’t let the stereotypes affect you. If the sadness and overwhelm do not lessen within 2–3 weeks, then it is time to seek medical help.

The good news is that PPD is treatable. With early recognition and intervention, you can return to feeling like yourself again.

Reclaim your life, you are not alone

Here are a few ways to get back on track:

1. Your doctor is your best friend at these times: Locate a doctor who understands that men can also suffer from PPD. He will suggest ways to get you back to your earlier ways, which may include therapy sessions.

2. Connect with men in the same situation: Others who have been in your situation will offer unconditional and invaluable support. Knowing you are not alone can make a big difference.

3. Open up to your wife: Who better than your partner to understand what you are going through? Together, you can find ways to support each other.

You and your baby deserve the best

Taking the first step towards feeling like yourself again is your decision. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Don’t let stigma hold you back. Help, support, and treatment are available to guide you through this.

You and your baby deserve happiness and health. It is time to shake off this heavy blue cloud and return to enjoying new fatherhood.

With care and support, you can overcome this challenging period and become the fully present, engaged father you want to be.