Before the first cry: Are you ready for parenthood?

As the author is a therapist herself, this article is not vetted by our team of reviewers.
On a cold yet sunny morning in early 2013, after relocating to Lyon, France, with my young family, I vividly remember my turbulent state of mind. Sitting on the windowsill of the living room, with my 2-year-old son asleep in the bedroom and my 6-year-old daughter at school, I found myself questioning everything.
Would my children be scarred by my raging anger or constant tears? Would they remember me shouting at my spouse for reasons I can’t even comprehend now? My guilt-ridden mind kept asking: Did I have it in me to be a parent? Had I made a mistake—not once, but twice—by bringing children into this world? If this sounds familiar, welcome to parenting!
Parenting is life-changing, but it’s also an incredibly complex transition, bringing with it countless responsibilities and surprises along the way.
Parenthood begins before birth: The planning phase
Many would say that parenthood begins when a child enters your life. In my view, the journey starts much earlier—when a couple begins planning for their first child. For many, the idea of becoming a parent begins with societal or cultural expectations.
But the real question we need to ask is: are we truly ready for parenthood? And how do we even begin to answer that?
As parents, we become responsible for creating, nurturing, and supporting another human’s life from infancy to adulthood. Life as we know it changes drastically. It is like running a marathon for life. You never sign up for a marathon without proper training, yet when it comes to parenting, we often jump headfirst into it, then start flailing in between, adapting and course-correcting to retain balance as the going gets tougher!
Breaking the myths: Are we ever ready for parenthood?
For many, especially those raised in India, this question might seem confusing. After all, parenthood has traditionally been seen less as a personal choice and more as a societal expectation. We grew up hearing that once you are married, within a year, the couple is ready and expected to welcome a child into their family.
Of course, it is a different ballgame and probably worth a book on what happens if this pre-determined course of events does not unfold! Beware – a new tiny tot entering our routine life is nothing short of a complex change management process. Readiness for parenthood isn’t just about emotional preparedness. It’s also about ensuring that your body and mind are in the best possible condition to take on the demands of this life-changing role.
One thing I realized through my journey into parenthood is that each journey is unique and being a parent of one or more children does not make us a subject matter expert. We need to unlearn and relearn every time based on the situation and the evolving needs of the child. Some of the aspects we need to prepare in advance to be able to manage such curveballs include the following:
Physical health: Preparing the body for parenthood
If your choice of parenting journey is to birth your own child, then it begins with checking the physical health of the would-be-parents. For men, this includes a basic semen analysis, while for women, a pap smear and pelvic exam are essential. Blood tests for basic parameter checks, hormone levels, iron deficiency, vitamin D, and other conditions (including genetics) that can risk pregnancy or labor must be screened.
Many couples delay having children – well into their late 30s or 40s – for multiple reasons, including career, financial, and mental maturity, among other things. While this is an individual’s preference, the biological clock is a fact of life, and the possibility of risk increases the later the pregnancy.
Additionally, stepping into late parenthood also means the transition of adolescence and the mid-life crisis (of both the parents and perimenopause/menopause of the mother) overlap. While physical health sets the foundation for parenthood, it’s equally important to have access to consistent medical care throughout the journey—from conception to childbirth and beyond.
The role of medical care: From conception to postnatal
Starting with the physical health evaluation, the journey toward becoming a parent requires the constant availability of good medical care facilities for the mom-to-be and the growing fetus through the three trimesters of pregnancy. This is called prenatal or antenatal care, followed by perinatal and postnatal care, vital for the mother and the child’s health. This involves scouting for the right healthcare provider and hospital/medical facility close to home. Where and when applicable, talk to your medical care provider regarding the various options of childbirth and consider joint awareness sessions with the spouse.
Emotional and mental resilience: Parenting starts within
It is also important to have stable mental and emotional health. This means working on our emotional wellness and emotional intelligence, conflict management, and relationship strength, which ensures that the child has fewer chances of having adverse experiences in early development due to parental neglect, disconnect, and dysfunctionality.
Mental health screening to check for specific disorders, anxiety, or depression can also be considered if there is a family history. This enables us to make informed choices on the various aspects of conception, childbirth, and childcare responsibilities. This also includes understanding ourselves in the context of our childhood, the society we grew up in, and our relationship strength with our parents.
Exploring this and becoming aware of any broken bonds, unattended childhood needs, adverse childhood experiences/trauma, and self-worth issues, and addressing them to embark on the path of self-healing before becoming parents is essential so that we do not struggle with triggers from our child(ren)’s behavior.
Financial readiness: More than just numbers
From pre-conception until childbirth and beyond, it will require a lot of visits to the hospital for medical care, vaccinations, and tests as recommended by the doctors. There will also be expenses for setting up a home that welcomes a child and caters to their daily needs – food, play, schooling, clothes, books, toys, and more. Paid child care might also be a need in some homes.
Another aspect of financial health is planning for health cover for the recurring medical care visits from pre-conception until childbirth (peri and prenatal) and postnatal care, where applicable. While choosing medical insurance, look into the terms and conditions the package covers and pick the one most suited to your needs.
Also, ensure that the hospital you choose for your delivery is on the insurer’s list of network hospitals.
Adoption as parenthood: A path of its own
While all of the above is applicable even when you are considering adoption as a way of embarking on the journey of parenthood, in India, the Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA) is a statutory body of the Ministry of Women and Child Development, Government of India, that primarily deals with adoption of orphan, abandoned and surrendered children through its associated /recognized adoption agencies.
If you are choosing the adoption route to become a parent, please read the dos and don’ts recommended by CARA and contact their helpline for further information.
It takes a village: Building support systems for parenting
There is a proverb – “It takes a village to raise a child.” Irrespective of what path was chosen to embark on the journey of parenthood, one needs an entire community of people to raise the child.
Find your ‘village’ or create it; you will need this support network as you progress. This support system also helps balance emotional health and provides care for physical, mental, and financial health hiccups.
When we relocated to a small town in Connecticut, US, with my daughter (2 years old), I enrolled in the “Parents as Teachers” program, run by the local community center, to support first-time parents. Being far away from my extended family and being part of this support group helped me cope and manage my emotional rollercoasters without the need for medical interventions.
Have a conversation with your partner on load-sharing concerning childcare. When I mention load sharing, it is about the “mental load” and not just the financial stability or the health care support. If both parents work full-time, then it might be worthwhile to plan out a flexible work schedule that will enable both to equally share the parental roles and responsibilities and rest and rebound when necessary.
On the same note, the maternity and paternity break also can be planned to suit and support the new parents and child’s needs. In my case, my second child’s arrival into our life was during the grieving period of my father-in-law’s demise. Hence, there were a lot of unprocessed emotions that my support network (including families) was dealing with. It did have an adverse impact on my mental and emotional health.
Ultimately, the journey of parenthood is shaped not just by preparation but by the support systems we build and the love and care we provide. No one is ever fully ready, but with the right tools and awareness, the experience can be deeply rewarding
Conclusion: Parenthood is a journey, not a destination
Parenting plays an influential role in the growth and development of a child and continues to impact an individual well into adulthood, too.
The parenting journey is a unique experience for each parent – filled with anticipation, anxiety, self-doubt, exhilaration, monumental expectations, jitters, and much more. It is important for adults considering parenthood to be emotionally intelligent about their own emotional and physical needs. Only then will they be able to cater to the child’s needs and help develop loving and secure bonding.
The WHO states that more than 10% of women worldwide experience depression.
The awareness of postpartum depression is relatively recent, from the 1980s, as per the postpartum depression statistics. These numbers vary based on race, ethnicity, and even gender. And yes, fathers also experience postpartum depression. This is also observed in adoptive parents.
While postpartum depression is a clinical condition that needs early recognition and treatment interventions, the postpartum blues or the “baby blues,” which sets in around 1 to 4 days after giving birth and can last up to 1 to 2 weeks after delivery (without treatment), is noticed in over 50% of the new mothers.
Awareness of these helps in early identification and appropriate intervention (self or with family, friends, or professional support, as needed) by addressing one or more observable and identifiable causes.
While a lot of parenting information is more readily available and accessible today (thanks to Tech), normalize having everyday conversations about the nuances.
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