As the author is a therapist herself, this article is not vetted by our team of reviewers. 

I was getting ready to share my personal journey of parenthood experience, I remembered a drabble I wrote for a picture prompt challenge (pregnancy kit) – of a couple’s feelings:

“After waiting for eternity

To see the “double line” appear

Excitement

Exhilaration

Joy

Trepidation

Fear of Future, well-being and changes

Self-doubt (of being a good parent)

Concern (for personal and child safety)

Self-aware (for the need to grow)

Worry about the future, body image

Planning for the new addition

Thinking & Over-thinking

Learn the importance of Self-care”

I realized that between the planning and the welcoming of a child, there is a good amount of time – about 40 weeks of pregnancy – which, in itself, is transformative! Here is decoding the three trimesters of pregnancy through the lens of both the parents.

“I am pregnant!”

For anyone hoping to conceive, waiting for a positive pregnancy test can feel like an eternity. The anticipation is filled with excitement, anxiety, and sometimes heartbreak. When we decided we wanted to become parents, every month from then on, I would hope to miss my regular menstrual cycle.

When there was a delay of even a day or two, I would get excited that I might be pregnant, only for that excitement to come crashing down two days later. This is when my spouse and I realized that the changes that marriage brings in one’s lifestyle will impact the menstrual cycle. Hence, every home pregnancy kit gives a note to ensure that one needs to repeat the test twice on two different days, apart from other instructions, to ensure that the test results are conclusive. Post this, it is recommended that the couple visit a gynecologist to ascertain the pregnancy with a blood test, among other routines.

For couples navigating IVF or surrogacy, this phase is even more complex. Alongside medical, financial, and legal hurdles, there’s the emotional toll of societal judgment—a challenge that many still face in India.

First trimester: Excitement and trepidation (Weeks 1-12)

This is the first 12 weeks (three months) of the pregnancy. Usually, this period is the most crucial as this is where the embryo attaches to the uterine wall via the placenta and is covered by fluid-filled membranes that will protect and nourish the growing life.

The fetus is still fragile, and the heartbeat isn’t detectable until 6 weeks (approximately 1.5 months) into the pregnancy. Also, the chances of miscarriage are higher, and hence, a 60-day ultrasound scan is also the norm. The very first comprehensible confirmation of life growing inside of me was in the early third month, during the Doppler ultrasound, when I heard my child’s heartbeat loud and clear.

I felt goosebumps, my heartbeat quickened, and my eyes welled up. That was the moment I truly felt the weight of this journey.

The enormous responsibility that another life was growing within me became a resounding reality, and with it came the next set of emotions, including anxiety and fear. If I had been emotionally wiser and more intelligent, I would have taken this as a cue for the emotional roller coaster that was part of the parenting journey.

The fetus is too small at this stage for us to start feeling its movements, yet the changes in the uterine region were noticeable. This was also the time when my partner became fiercely protective, sometimes to an extreme. At one point, I had to remind him, “I’m pregnant, not sick!” But I understood—he was just as anxious and invested in the well-being of both me and our growing child.

This is the time when many would experience morning sickness. But my first pregnancy was a breeze, and I did not know what morning sickness looked like. My second pregnancy taught me how it could be and how it can also be there for not just the 3 months of the first trimester, but can come back during the third trimester as well. There were times when I felt that my entire intestines were threatening to come out of my mouth while the nausea hit me unannounced.

Yet, nothing of that sort happens, in fact, many times except for some saliva and a lot of noise as a result of the nausea, nothing comes out. I was always comforted with a huge bear hug and a few pats on my back by my first born with the message that it will all be fine, making my chest puff up in love and pride, knowing that a four-year-old has picked up this comforting behavior from the adults around her.

Second trimester: The fear of the future, pride and planning (Weeks 13-27)

This was the time when the elders in my family said it was okay to let the extended family know of my pregnancy. This is also when the baby starts growing in size and weight, and the mother will begin showing external signs of the same.

The growing baby starts to show patterns of resting and active states. They start reacting to different sounds, and start kicking and punching. This phase was the most enjoyable for me, when I could feel these patterns. I started conversing with my child spontaneously acknowledging the feelings I interpreted from the indicators the child expressed.

This also was a time that brought my partner closer to me, to spend time with me and the child, just to be there when the kicks and punches can be felt. We both also spent time curating Thamizh melodies to soothe the child (and me) to sleep without the nightmares (which I was told was common during pregnancy).

One mistake I made? Googling my anomaly scan results. The medical jargon sent me into a spiral of worry until my spouse reassured me. I learned the hard way—when in doubt, talk to your doctor, not the internet.

Third trimester: Emotion, exhaustion, and body changes (Weeks 28-40)

This was personally the toughest phase, both times I was pregnant. The baby grows so much that it crushes all other internal organs closer together, reducing lung capacity and leading to frequent panting. The baby also increases in weight, reaching almost 2.5 to 3.5 kgs closer to the expected delivery date, which makes most of us waddle, causing back pain.

The frequency of visits to the doctor’s office increased to almost weekly visits to monitor the child’s position and other vitals. At 37 weeks, the pregnancy is considered full-term, meaning the baby is typically developed enough to be born without needing special care in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). My first born was brought into this world just as the baby completed 37 weeks and a day or two inside me. My second one was in no hurry and stayed in until 40 weeks were complete. 

This is also the time to discuss birthing options. Do you opt for C-section, natural birth, or spousal presence during labor? All these questions depend on hospital policies and medical conditions. Some healthcare providers recommend birthing classes for pain management and delivery preparedness.

When I was carrying my second child, I was also caring for my ailing father-in-law, whose cancer had metastasized.

Much later, I realized that these kinds of situations do have an impact on our postpartum recovery as well as contribute to ‘birth trauma’ and how this has a long-lasting impact, not just on the child but also on the parent(s) and can influence our parenting methods.

The wait is over: Welcoming a new life

People often say that holding your baby for the first time is the most divine feeling in the world. And it is.

But what many don’t talk about is the journey to that moment.

Today, we all understand that our bodies process trauma – both physical and emotional – especially during the crucial period of pregnancy and birthing, and this is unique for each person and couple. Most of us start running the Parenting Marathon without preparing for it; this is just the first leg of that marathon!

Becoming a parent means making informed choices, breaking generational harmful parenting patterns and embracing the messy, unpredictable beauty of it all. And with that we lay the foundation for a new experience with anticipation, awareness, and strength.